I Promise Myself..

"I promise myself,

To be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person I meet.

To make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best

 and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of

others as I am about my own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the

greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile

to every living creature I meet.

To give so much time to improving myself that I

have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear

and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world,

not in loud words, but in great deeds.

To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side,

so long as I am true to the best that is in me."
~ Christian D. Larson

My mom made a little "self motivational" poster board awhile back. She gave it to me, not only because I adored it, but because I was struggling. I look at this board every single day.. but not until today did this poem really seem to hit home. I highlighted the portions of the poem that I feel that I have been struggling with most lately. Thanks mom. I love you.

I Went to Walmart in Search of a Hobby.

As many of you know, and for those of you who don't, Austin and I have completely different work schedules. He works weekday mornings while I work the nights of weekends. After hours of Sex and the City episodes followed quickly by Desperate Housewives, I came to the conclusion that I am in desperate need of some new hobbies. I had hours of time every weekday to keep myself occupied and entertained.

I had friends to hang out with, a dog to walk and take to the park, books to read, shows I could watch, but nothing that could necessarily be considered a hobby that I enjoyed doing hours on end. So, in need of seeking out the perfect hobby, I strolled on down to the local WallyWorld to find some new interests. I searched and stalked down the craft, fabric, and garden aisles disappointed that nothing had sparked a solid interest. Gardening interests me, but seeming that I occupy a garden-less apartment, I couldn't very well plant green beans in my carpet. I don't think the neighbors below me would appreciate roots spreading through their ceiling. However, Austin suggested that I take up potting plants instead. We have a balcony and that would be a feasible solution in lea of gardening.

Though excited about planting, I emailed my crafty aunt for more hobby ideas. She gave me marvelous ideas. Have any of you heard of Art Journaling? Well my Aunt Melissa shared some blogs and youtube videos about it with me. Here is the blog that she sent. It is fabulous and I hope you will all look into it. www.messymindcreativesoul.blogspot.com This woman is expressing her emotions, loves, and pains through art journaling. Instead of writing her feelings on the pages, she decorates them with art expressing her current feelings. It's absolutely fabulous! I am very anxious to start!

Along with those two hopefully new hobbies, I have started participating in Yoga. I got a starter yoga set for Christmas last year and have been using that. However, that particular dvd is more of a stress releasing yoga than a workout. (Which is extremely helpful considering my lack of stress management. lol. Thanks mom! :) ) So while at Walmart, I purchased another yoga dvd, this one being a more active muscle toning exercise. I tried it today and am pretty worn out already. One thing that the instructor said that really caught my attention was, "Get comfortable with being uncomfortable." No kidding. Pretty much everything we were doing brought the opposite of comfort. However, I am determined to continue with this dvd, in hopes of becoming better at it, as well as getting to that comfort level.


I thought, along with this blog, that I would share an update on how Koda has been doing since his neutering. The doctor prescribed some sedatives as well as instructions to keep his activity level very low. We didn't want the sutures to not heal properly or become infected. I have to say that even with the sedatives, keeping him indoors more than usual made him more anxious and added to his hyperactivity. It was definitely a struggle keeping him calm so that he could heal. Due to this bottled up anxiousness and possibly some anger being held towards me, Koda began to severely act out! Make a note that Koda was completely potty trained quite awhile ago and hasn't had many problems with that here at the apartment... well, until now. Koda started relieving himself on the carpet in our apartment. He knew it was wrong because we would always find him hiding under the living room end-table when we discovered the mess. He also chewed up my shoes! I have never had an issue with Koda chewing on our shoes. We always leave them out and he hasnt even attempted to move them.. until now. He destroyed them!! *sigh* Let's just say that Koda has spent a lot of time in time-out (his kennel) lately.
Almost a week and a half later, he is doing much much better. We have been able to take him outside more often and revisit the much missed park. He is getting that bottled up energy out and not taking it out on my carpet or shoes anymore. Things are going much better. Also, Koda seems to be playing better with other male dogs. Maybe it has to do with the surgery, maybe it doesnt, but I sure do like the positive results I have seen so far.

Got Nuts?

When I first adopted Koda from his purebred family in Vernal, UT, I had all of the intentions of breeding him out as a stud dog when he was an adult. Koda aged and grew in massive amounts! When I realized, with much disappointment, that Koda seemed to have a strong "Alpha-Male Complex," I threw the stud-dog plan out the window. Getting Koda fixed appeared to be the best option.
For two months I anxiously awaited June 13th, the day Koda was to be neutered. Eight am came and I coaxed Koda into the car to venture to the veterinarian's office. With each mile closer and a whining dog in the back seat, the guilt started to set in, thick and undesirable. I felt fear and worry for my furry baby. How could I possibly take his manhood from him?? 
I had already paid a down payment on the surgery and was on my way to redwood road. There was no changing my mind now. Toughening up, I focused on the hopeful outcomes of the surgery as I barreled down the road.
Imagining fear and sadness in Koda's eyes, I apologized and I ran out the door and left him with the vet.  
I spent the day out and about with my mom and a good friend with hopes that my mind would be put to ease. Was it silly that I was getting so worked up over leaving my baby with professional anesthesiologists and surgeons?  

Later that evening I picked up my nutless male dog, dazed and dizzy from all the drugs he was given. I religiously followed the instructions I was given and spoiled the crap out of Koda. 
Day two and the drugs have long worn off. He appears to be doing better. I maternally check the stitches every few hours and overdramatically tend to him. It's honestly silly but I would hate there to be any complications in the healing process. 

Everyone has their own opinions of the outcome. I've heard he will change and I've heard that he will remain the same. Over the next few weeks as the sutures dissolve, I hope to see an improvement in Koda's behavior. I want his personality to remain the same, after all that's why I love him :). However, I hope that he loses some of his hyperactive desires and his need to be the "King of the dog park."

While Koda mournes the loss of his balls, Austin overjoys that he still has his. He can now claim the title of alpha dog.

Stress Update.

So, I feel completely overwhelmed with everything that is on my mind! Ah! There's so much to plan out, so much research to do, so many late nights, so many stressful thoughts, and finals all crammed into a short week. Again, ah! My biggest concern right now is moving. I don't know who knows and who doesn't, but I live with my cousin, his wife, and their three year old twin boys. Also accompanying the house, three cats (I am still unaware of their names), their dog Akeilies, and my sweet puppy Koda. I've stayed there paying a wonderfully low rent since august 2010 and I'm getting the itch to move. Don't get me wrong, my cousins are great. I just am ready to have my own space again.
The next cluster headache involves work and a Cna class. I plan on finishing school and becoming a PA (physicians assistant for those of you who dont know.) Working as a housekeeper at a hospital can only get me so far. Though it's served it purpose of getting my "foot in the door" and giving me a paycheck, it's time to move on. There's a Cccna class here in Utah that has sparked my interest. The stressful part is when to take it. $400 dollars and two weeks would get me a step closer in the right direction. Since spring semester ends in two weeks, taking that class becomes more realistic. However, it's a matter of quitting my current job or hoping to get te desired time off I would need. I'm not sure yet.
So don't laugh but I've been interested in getting my husky, Koda trained to run on a treadmill. This is supposed to be great for their exercise in situations or settings that make it difficult for your dog to get the exercise he needs. Los is pretty big and loves to run, sobi figure it would be good for him and interesting or me. It'll be a challenge for sure. So i guess we will see how that goes.
Anyways, I think thats enough venting for my iPod to handle for now. Lol

Through Death Comes Life.

Yesterday, a twenty-two year old woman passed away in the Intensive Care of the hospital that I work at. After her passing, she was rushed to the operating room where she donated her heart valves and her liver. Within minutes after her operation, her liver was already on its way to San Fransisco. She saved the lives of six people. Her death, though devastating, granted life to those others. Witnessing this experience yesterday changed the way I feel about being an organ donor.
One of my best friends, Julia, who passed away in August '08, from similar causes, was also an organ donor. Though I do not know the details of that donation, I do know that Julia gave life to others who needed it. Losing her has been completely unbareable and caused me pain that I cannot express in words. But to know that she still "lives" somewhere else in this world through someone else, is an unbelievably happy thought. Death is a devastating occurance for those people who care for the person passing. Julia was extremely compasionate, and I know that she chose to be a donor for exactly that reason. What she no longer needed, she selflessly gave away blessing the lives of those in need.
Death is often unpredictable. Why not bless others with something we no longer need?  

If You Love Me... You Will.

Now I'm not saying this is the case wth my relationship. I've just had this thought on my mind and figured I would share.
I absolutely HATE the line "If you love me, you will." This is meant with complete and utter selfishness to manipulate another person to do something you want them to do that they would otherwise not usually do. At least, that's my definition. For example, If a guy says to his girlfriend, "If you love me, you will have sex with me." Well maybe she isnt ready to commit to a sexual relationship and that's why she hasnt put out already. Whatever the reason, she has hers and manipulating her to get sex is not going to make anyone happy. Ya she might give in and sleep with the guy, but if she wasnt ready to take that step, then chances are she is going to be upset and full of regret afterwords. Then he will feel bad for making her before she was ready, and yadda yadda yadda.. 
It's just not a win-win situation. 
Of course this "phrase" is used in other circumstances not necesarily relating to sex. It could be, "If you love me, you will buy this for me.", "If you love me, you will choose a different career.", etc. I just absolutely hate it! If someone REALLY loves you, they will NOT use that phrase against you. If someone really loves you, they will accept you for who you are and embrace your differences.
Just a thought..

Toddlers and... Tans?

              Competition can be a healthy addition to children’s lives; however, there is a certain level that can be reached that is not longer positively stimulating. The television show, Toddlers and Tiaras, has recently caught my attention. At first this show appeared to contain sweet young girls interacting in an innocent game of ‘dress-up.’ After just minutes of observing this one hour episode, I was shocked to notice a lack of innocence and a severe sense of competition between the parents of the children. On TLC’s website about Toddlers and Tiaras it gives an accurate introduction of the material expected in the show. “On any given weekend across the country, toddlers take the stage wearing makeup, spray tans, and fake hair to be judged on beauty, personality, and costumes. Toddlers & Tiaras follows families on their quest for sparkly crowns, big titles and lots of cash.” Also on the site, are postings of many, if not all, of the show’s episodes accompanied by shorter exerts not included in the episodes. In one of these exerts, Beauty is Painful, we watch a six year old girl receive eye brow waxing, acrylic nails, and teeth whitening. Other exerts include, Fab Fake Nails and Big Dollar Dresses, Mother Daughter Disappointment, No Pimple for A Princess, etc. The website further describes this show saying, “The preparation is intense as it gets down to the final week before the pageant. From hair and nail appointments, to finishing touches on gowns and suits, to numerous coaching sessions or rehearsals, each child preps for their performance. But once at the pageant, it's all up to the judges and drama ensues when every parent wants to prove that their child is beautiful.” The last line in this statement appeared to be the most frustrating to me, “when every parent wants to prove that their child is beautiful.” Instead of building up our children’s self confidence and instilling in each of them that they are all beautiful and talented, we are corrupting them into believing that physical beauty is the most important key to success. These children are being mangled with fake hair, caked with spray tans, and strangled into their thousand-dollar, custom-made pageant costumes. A child’s imagination does not need to be exposed to such expensive clothing, cosmetics, and “beauty improvements” at such a young age. These pageants quickly turn into competition between parents as they drive their child further into a superficial world. There is immense stress forced onto each child in these pageants to be the best and in turn to make their parents proud of them. Certain titles such as, Prettiest Smile, Most Talented, Prettiest Costume, etc, can be detrimental to a child. This is no longer a healthy competitive environment for the child to be exposed to.